Okay, I admit it. This page – once so full of the joys of the world, so bursting with stories of its adventures, cantering into your virtual bedroom with its skirts about its knees and throwing itself on your bed with a tantalising “you will NOT believe this” – has been somewhat silent of late.


This is not (about this you can be certain) because it is seeing somebody else, or because it has grown bored and taken up smoking pot and playing videogames and drinking cheap whisky from a recently retired vegemite jar. The reason for its absence is this:


Once, in 2005, Rita and Stew and Paul (Superman) Daniel and I set up this site at one of those moments when it was either time to get a website or time to start walking around with sandwich boards like those miserable people in Bourke Street who stand outside that jewellery shop, staring into the middle distance and listening to death metal on their iPods. We needed the website for many reasons then. Mostly because we were producing theatre and the occasional video, and we loved our audiences so much we wanted to keep them even after they left their seats and wandered out into the night time.


And so this page lived on. And I loved it. And then, recently, a few things happened. They are (edited highlights) these:



I quit my Real Job. The Law Talking Job. It was excellent for a range of reasons but I had to finish up because:


Standing There Productions is working on a couple of projects, both of which are very long-term and both of which we are contractually obliged not to speak about.


I know. How exciting is that.


Thing is, the projects are exciting, but they’re not as exciting as being contractually obliged not to talk about them might indicate. So please do not expect the opening ceremony of the Olympics to be produced by Standing There Productions. Although we’re not – I’m being told by our legal department – prepared to rule that out.


We do not have a legal department.


As a result of the above scenario, I am now what they call a freelance writer. I looked that up once. It used to have something to do with swords. I intend, more or less immediately, to purchase a cape and claim it on tax.


Really though, what freelance means is that I jump from project to project, including, sometimes, working for Standing There Productions on what may or may not be the opening ceremony of the somethingorothereth Olympiad. Rita and Stewart do the same.


At the moment, if you miss me (my secretary will have to sort through the comments you post below, obviously, but I will try and answer you all individually) you can find me in the following:


MEANJIN – a gorgeous literary magazine available in bookshops and via subscription here – contains an essay this month about Australian theatre. It was written by me. Meanjin is very exciting. I got all tingly when I saw it in print.


THE BIG ISSUE – I have been writing occasional pieces for The Big Issue for a while now, including one I will post here when I have a moment. Starting next week, however, I am the television columnist for The Big Issue, which means you all need to watch television and tell me what you think of it so I can call it research. Already, I am trying to figure out how to work the 8 hours of Will & Grace I once watched into a column so I don’t need to feel as though that glorious, shocking day was a waste.


THE COMEDY FESTIVAL – I am directing Colin Lane’s festival show this year. Looking forward to another festival – my first for 2010.


Meanwhile, Rita and Stewart are still, well, awesome. I will tell you about their glorious achievements when I have access to the endless list of projects they are variously involved in, some of which have been nominated for - and won - awards.


For the moment, though, consider this page BACK. Fresh-faced, bright-eyed, wearing a brand-new frock and fabulous shoes and not caring what anybody thinks of it as it twirls in the middle of your metaphorical bedroom and welcomes you back, once again, into its pudgy, sun-browned, long-absent arms.


It missed you.