I tell you who might be embarrassed right now?

The cops who interviewed Dr Haneef. The transcript of their interview of him was released to the public yesterday, and it wasn't exactly damning of anyone - more of a boring night in the cop shop by the looks of things.

So the cops won't be embarrassed because of how they treated him (they followed all the rules and had breaks so he could pray and eat and rest - hell, they even joked around a little bit at one particularly hilarious point when Haneef's lawyer had a coughing fit) but they might be a bit embarrassed because they spent probably eighty percent of the interview trying to work out:

- What's this Islam thing then, eh?

- Can you spell that for me?

- Here's a piece of paper. Can you write that down?

- Am I saying that right? I'm not, am I?

- And that's in India, is it?

... and, my favourite series of questions:

- Yahoo groups. What's that? That's an internet thing is it, the Yahoo groups? And what do you need in order to use that? You send photos and messages? It's a message group, is that right? It's a chat room?

... You're just desperate for one of their kids to come in and go, "Dad, gawd, you're so embarrassing. It's not THE yahoo groups, and it's not something you SEND photos through, it's... Never mind. Shove over. Let me ask the questions."

And then, last night, Kevin Andrews gets on the telly and says that this Dr Haneef character was talking to people in a computer room, by which he means chat room, and that the things he said in the chat room are things we're not allowed to know about. Ever.

Do the authorities not have computers? Is there anyone under thirty anywhere who can help these people? They're not exactly going to crack the crime syndicates if they don't know what a Yahoo Group is, are they.

Otherwise, though, props to the cops for following protocol and being nice to the doctor. It's more than most people have managed.

When asked to comment on the otherwise unremarkable story about Kevin Rudd having attended a strip club, Peter Beattie, the Premiere of Queensland, said that he thought it might even good for the Opposition Leader's ratings because it "proves he's got blood in his veins".

This reminded me of something.

It reminded me of the stereotyping we learned about when we studied rape cases in criminal law. The "red-blooded male" who was just doing what came naturally. It took hundreds of years (and we're still squinting if we think we're there) before the common law realised that "red blooded" blokes acting in a boys-will-be-boys kind of comraderie is not a biological fact that need not be deconstructed or examined. The relative self-control of each gender when it comes to any form of human behaviour has not so far been proven a biologically determined trait. Or at least, not so far as the courts now see it.

Of course, Kevin Rudd merely went to a sleazy bar. Apart from using tax payers' time to go on a bender and engage in some not-exactly-feminist entertainment, he didn't transgress anyone's individual freedom or commit any crime. Men and women go to sleazy bars all the time and nobody gives a crap, but the idea that he somehow gave in to his natural macho yearning because he has "blood in his veins" is a bit dangerous. Or, maybe the language itself is dangerous, because I've heard it before and it's assuming a few things I don't think can be substantiated.

By the way, it looks like Beattie was right. Brendan Nelson's gone "ME TOO! I went to a strip club too!" Doesn't make much of a case for the clientelle in these bars does it. Full of politicians. Gross.

Here's some advice: go outside and enjoy the sky.

Today is lovely.

Try riding your bike.

I don't know if it's the novelty wearing off (this is my second year with a full festival pass) but this year's MIFF was ALMOST completely uninspiring.

What makes me say almost is the documentaries. Other than the documentaries and a few stand-out films (Teeth and Eagle Versus Shark which will get a release anyway) there was nothing but bleak, grim, and baffling.

Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. So long as there's something to counter-balance it. (I have to be careful here because I suspect film funding in this country at least is dependent on the liberal use of the words "bleak" and "harrowing" in 100 word synopses).

But, as we can see from the most seriously bleak subject matters (for example War Tapes, a gruesome documentary about the Iraq war which actually had the audience laughing), there has to be a point to the bleak and harrowing, or else at least some degrees within it (some unharrowing non-bleak elbow room) in order for an audience to gain anything from the experience. Otherwise, one gets the impression that life is comprised of silent brooding individuals bursting with malcontent, wandering barren landscapes with bare limbs and a latent sexual yearning.

Just saying. It's a style. I find it boring. Bit of variety would be nice.

I hereby rate some of the films I saw according to the above rant:

4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days - bleak (about abortion), includes silent brooding and mild malcontent. A Bleakness rating of 8.5 (some hope for humanity hinted at through main character). My rating: 5 (points for actually telling a story and for the way it was shot, which made Stewart want to move to Budapest).

Zoo - bleak (about "animal lovers" if you get my bleak and harrowing drift), includes music that would drive the will to live out of most people, also contains dark and brooding re-enactment scenes. Actually a pretty ordinary documentary - badly put together.

Once - mildly bleak but thick layers of optimism through the ludicrously optimistic medium of song. Bleakness rating: 3 (everyone looked cold and poor and their lives were in ruins). My rating: 5 (would be more but the motion of the camera made me want to hurl on the person in front of me). Very pleased it ended the way it did, which was both bleak and also not bleak.

Also, don't Irish people sound gorgeous when they say the word "gorgeous"?

Lost in Bejing - holds the honour of being the only film I walked out of. Bleakity bleak bleak. Worse still: bleak without purpose. Also, any film that supposes rape is funny and we don't ever find out why (I got someone to tell me the ending) is in my opinion a shit film. Bleak rating 9 (but I feel this gives it too much street cred - it wasn't even TRYING to be bleak. It thought it was funny and endearing. Which made it accidentally bleak. Which is somehow worse). My rating: 0.5 (that's because there was a scene with the husband singing while he ate noodles which reminded me of someone I liked once).

Great World Of Sound - flat, depressing, predictable, infuriating. I heard someone trying to explain the point of it to someone else afterwards and their friend replied, "But so what?" So what indeed. It was about people who were conned, which is interesting if a) the con is interesting or b) it's an actual documentary (like Conman Confidential, which was excellent). Bleakness rating: 8.5 (low rating due to pointlessness of bleakness reducing bleakness impact). My rating: zero. Should have left for this one too, but thought the ending might be a zinger. Ha. Ha. Ha.

9 Star Hotel - had the advantage of being a documentary, so at least it's a TRUE bleak situation. About Palestinians working illegally on Israeli housing construction. Bleakness rating: 7. Mine: 3.

Hot House - again at least it was a bleak documentary. About Hamas being operated from Israeli jails. Bleakness rating: 6. Mine: 4, just because listening to people talk about suicide bombing on behalf of future generations is something you don't come across too often in the western media.

Wrestling With Angels: Tony Kutchner. Documentary about a playwright. Bleakness rating: 0.5. My rating: 7 (documentary too long and not that brilliant but subject matter carried it).

Your Mommy Kills Animals. Documentary about animal welfare and animal rights groups with a terrorist twist. Bleakness rating: 1 (all questions were answered - all bleak and harrowing possibilities were explained and you knew what to do with them... where to go next, what needed addressing etc. Bleakness with direction.) My rating: 8.5

Beyond Our Ken - brilliant documentary. This is one of the hopes of the side this year. Bleakness rating: 1 (if only because stuff like that happens to people like Cornelia Rau, but it's not super bleak due to the fact that things like this documentary exist to present alternative viewpoints for people - such as several in the audience - who need to question kenja). Check it out, this will get a release. My rating: 10.

We Are Together - documentary about South African AIDS orphans singing. Kind of like Choir of Hard Knocks but South African and the orphanage burns to the ground while people die of HIV infections and Paul Simon pats people on the heads. Bleakness rating: I would say 5 but actually 2 because the uplifting elements and the clever construction of the docco mean it never feels flat or drifty. My rating 9.

Sicko - docco. Coming out in a minute (another problem with this year's film festival - what do you MEAN they were trying to get The Simpsons Movie as the opener??). Bleakness rating: 1 (outweighed by humour - thanks Mike). My rating 9.

The Boy On The Galloping Horse - bleak story about noncommunicative family bursting with unsaid long-buried discontent, headed nowhere, through beautiful scenery. Very surprised to see it didn't receive funding from any Australian film bodies, but I guess there were no lakes photographed and nobody glanced upwards towards a blistering sun at any point, so it probably missed out due to those oversights. And, you know, it's not Autralian. But then, neither is Spielberg and his projects get subsidised. Bleakness rating 10. Mine: 1.

Grace Is Gone - great film about a war widower (John Cusack). Bleakness rating 6. Mine: 9 (bleakness tempered by sensitive handling of subject matter, lovely performances, nonbleak ending).

Conman Confidential - documentary about conmen. Bleakness rating 1. Mine: 9.5.

The Hottest State - Ethan Hawke's film. Bleakness rating 1. Mine: 9. I was so glad to be watching a film that wasn't "harrowing" that my rating of this might be tempered by glee. Still, liked it. Shut up.

The Cats of Mirikitani - yay - documentary which addresses historical and cultural bleakness AND personal triumphs in a way that isn't remotely patronising or sentimental! Huzzah! Bleakness rating: 0. Mine: 10.

Interview - Steve Buchemi attempting to be Woody Allen. Bleakess rating: 1. Mine: 4.5.

Time - South Korean film about plastic surgery. Bleakness: 5 but add 1 for baffling WTF element. Me: 3.

How Is Your Fish Today? Baffling, bleak, scenery implying world failing to understand inner turmoil unexpressed by anyone. Bleakness: 8.5. Me: 1.

Yella. Oh shut up you bleak, baffling, pointless, meandering, beautiful, wafting thing. B: 10. M: 1.

There are about fifteen more but WHO CARES!

Now, back to our usual programming.

Deadlines! Huzzah!

How glorious must it feel to gain national press coverage for stirring the foreign minister into accusing a seventeen year old of being a Labor Party hack... I know it's the kind of thing I used to dream of when I was at school.

Check it out.

A Canberra Times article opens with the delicious sentence: "In an astonishing outburst, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer yesterday accused a 17-year-old Canberra schoolboy of being a stooge for the Labor Party."

... but my favourite is the closer from the Sydney Morning Herald:

Alexander later made a point of shaking Mr Downer's hand and denied being affiliated with any political party. He said he thought the minister was being a "bit paranoid".

Apeeeheeee!

I reckon Alex is right on the money.

PS Why is this TV show not in regular prime time?

Hey, let's make a short film about a woman who's married to a famous boxing coach and who gets massive headaches and nosebleeds and suddenly remembers she has a pencil wedged in her brain, the removal of which might render her blind. We could include the following line from our main character:

"I remember tripping over and the pencil I was holding seeming to disappear."

Or we could re-enact that scene. A four year old girl, a bit of a stumble, a missing pencil, fifty-five years of blinding headaches. Check it out. Sometimes I think my life ain't so bad after all.

In other film news, here are some reviews:

We Are Together - a documentary about a South African orphanage full of kids whose parents died of AIDS, where the kids just happen to sing soulful, confident, gorgeous African songs with these enormous grins on their faces, while dreadful stuff happens all around them - more AIDS deaths, the orphanage burning to the ground, and... last but not least... salvation comes in the form of Alicia Keys and Paul Simon solemnly patting kiddies' heads and proving once again that white men ain't got no rhythm. Still, they raised enough money to build another orphanage so at least they're using their best intentions for the best results. Great docco because it reminds viewers that Africans die of AIDS while we in the West have drugs. That was the one thing I was left wondering, though: did these families know how to prevent HIV?

And, one more for the "dreadful and shithouse" list: Great Wall Of Sound. I was actually angered by this film. It was so frustrating, so depressing but with such little purpose, and it led nowhere, said nothing, and taught me only that two hours is a long time.

This was okay - interesting because of the people in it and because of the whole concept of Palestinians building mansions for Israelis while they live in cardboard boxes (also includes a very interesting conversation about "their holocaust" versus "our holocaust") but otherwise a little too gentle and wafty and going nowhere we haven't been before.

Beyond Our Ken, on the other hand, was a brilliant example of a documentary that you don't think you "need" to see (because it's about an Australian "energy transferral" cult) but when you leave you feel like you've been exposed to a certain kind of behaviour that teaches you what humans are capable of - ie you've watched an actual megalomaniac psychopath in action. And his victims. Also, the filmmakers cannot have predicted the ending, but they did a brilliant job of leading us towards it. This one should get a release.

Hot House - another depressing film about the middle east, in this case a documentary about Hamas and how it's partly run out of the Israeli prison system. I was a bit sleepy during this film (it was at The Greater Bloody Union - a sleep chamber) but the film was interesting in parts - particularly the bit where an ex-newsreader mother of three kids talked about why she helped a suicide bomber blow up a restaurant full of Israeli kids, then went to work and did a news report on the massacre, knowing she might be put away for life and never see her kids again.

Also saw a documentary about Tony Kushner who wrote Angels in America. Made me wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, but it was great to see. Not the best docco in the world (could have done without the endless music rehearal scenes in the middle) but a very inspiring glimpse at a playwright who can get away with writing a seven hour play. Also, I'd love to see his Maurice Sendak collaborations.

Shame - documentary about a Pakistani gang rape enacted apparently "legally" on a woman to avenge another family's daughter's honour. Some of the key facts were hazy and the documentary was rambling and strangely put together, but it was an interesting demonstration of different kinds of power. The rape victim had no power and lived in constant fear, but when her story hit the Western press, she basically asked for electricity in her village and she got it. She asked for a school, she got it. Similar to the South Afrcian documentary above, the power of the West is a hideously double-edged sword.

One last thing. Check this out. Your Mommy Kills Animals - a documentary about something I studied at university, so I wasn't as surprised as some of the audience, but the new "terrorism" twist is interesting, particularly in the light of the new Federal police powers.

And that's enough for today. My Lord there are lot of films in the world - a lot of stories worth telling and a lot of stories best left untold. Also a lot of people standing in the foyer afterwards who must be wondering what's happened to my power of speech. It's official - three films in a row or more renders me rambling and confused. As you can tell.