I do love the concept of a writer flourishing with merely a modest wage and a Room of Her Own. It's a lovely idea, and it's true, of course. 


However, I believe it could be more true.


5 Proposed Requirements to be added to the List of Things Writers Need In Order To Write Without Hinderance:


1. Interesting stationery. Whether it's a pen, a new computer program, a spunky little notebook, or even a pencil sharpener that renders a pencil more pleasing to use: as a writer, I am much more productive when I am interested in the media/process. If this implies that I am not interested, while writing, in the outcome, and that in fact the outcome (my own writing) bores me almost beyond comprehension, then I can only apologise for this appalling misrepresentation.


2. Copious amounts of food. Again, the more novelty value the food has ("Ooooh! Cheese wheels with pictures of cartoon animals on them that are obviously designed for children's lunchboxes!") the more one can be convinced that a cheese-wheel is as good as a holiday and one doesn't need to go outside and rediscover the real world. 


3. A butler. Preferably one who doesn't think "I know! I'll make a cup of tea!" and then promptly forget this original intention and emerge, two hours later, having de-iced the freezer with a butter knife and cleaned the floor with the aid of a toothbrush.


4. Access to all media - internet, television, radio, books - but only (and perhaps this is a bit Harry Potter, but surely someone can have it arranged) after a series of tests verifying a real and urgent need to be informed, as opposed to a perceived real and urgent need, these things not necessarily being distinguishable during the process of writing.


5. A trampoline. I am of the opinion that brief periods of trampolining during one's writing day would solve many of the problems associated with sitting still in the one place, thinking about the one thing, and going completely mental due to lack of stimulus.


The sooner these proposals are introduced into some kind of legislation, the better for the state of the nation.