Dear The Rest Of The World, 


Just in case you were wondering why we treasure our free speech over here in Australia, I thought I'd explain to you how the billions of dollars spent by media organisations, including our public broadcaster, were utilised today to stimulate discussion and promote democratic ideals such as freedom of expression, freedom of thought, and the right of the public to access information. 


Our glorious news outlets have revealed the following to an enthusiastic public this morning:


1. Apparently a person appeared on television. The person was attractive and had an X chromosome. As a result of this person appearing on a top-rating television show about a sport nobody outside of this country plays, this person was subject to "lewd" comments from a "colourful" "celebrity" whose public relations platform consists of apologising to people with X chromosomes. The X chromosomed person in this instance has now been hospitalised. These elements have been mentioned by newspapers without any explicit links being drawn or any independent research having been done. 


2. As we speak, discussions are taking place on the national airwaves regarding the crucial question of whether Australian sportsmen playing the abovementioned sport are role models. Should they be role models? Do we expect too much from them? Are they a symptom of a broader problem in Australian society, namely binge drinking, or are they just boys making mistakes in hundred thousand dollar cars with alcohol running through their TAC sponsored bloodstreams? This is a particularly important question when considered alongside figures on Aboriginal life expectancy.


3. Heath Ledger remains deceased.


Excellent work, media.