I am in the Diamond Valley Leader.

That's my home town.

In the photograph, I am jump-starting a gum tree, with jumper leads and (these are the photographer's words) "crazy eyes".

If you are a Diamond Valley resident who maybe went to school with me or something, please understand that I was not in a serious accident impeding my intellectual or physical abilities, but merely am a victim of the media machine.

While we're at it, why is it that if you're a woman you're instructed by press photographers to "stop looking pretty - we want to see whacky. You're a comedian".

Why can't I be pretty too?