So I've been missing.

Here's why:

1. We have a cast for Greatness Thrust Upon Them. We finished auditions and we had long and agonising conversations in Vietnamese restaurants and pubs and we now have a cast. Chris Buchanan is Robin - the Prime Minister's Press Secretary, Miriam Glaser is Sam - who runs the United Nations Environment Conference, and Julia Harari is Megan - who works for Sam and eats jellybeans.

2. The publicity for the show has been keeping the rest of us busy - tomorrow night we have a show launch - an evening of drinks at Trades Hall bar from 7pm. Here are the deets, writ large because I don't know how to make the image smaller:

3. More publicity, including a photograph of me looking about twelve and sporting a bowly haircut I know I will live to regret: here.

4. More publicity, in the form of a photograph for the local newspaper in my home town of Greensborough will not be reproduced here due to the fact that I was photographed jump-staring a tree (with jumper leads - not kidding), hanging upside down from a branch, and testing our public liability insurance (and my own dignity) by falling out of the tree mid photograph. The reason for this is because our show is in the comedy festival and therefore I have to be whacky. I am not, nor have I ever been, whacky.

5. Our website has had a bit of a facelift. It was done by SuperPaul, who is our Website Guy and who we all want to marry every now and then for his design expertise, his speed, and his generous dedication of time and effort to make us look much cooler than we really are (I speak for those of us falling out of trees).

6. Tickets for our show, Greatness Thrust Upon Them, in the comedy festival, are now ACTUALLY ON SALE ALREADY AND PEOPLE HAVE STARTED BUYING THEM. Yikes. Go here.

7. Did I mention I finished the script?

8. I went on a two day trip to regional Victoria (Warrnambool) for my "other job" earlier this week. Just when I was starting to think the entire world was about Standing There Productions' new show (honestly, have you READ the paper? Environment this, environment that. They're all talking about us)... it was lovely to go somewhere with a beach and to find out about things happening in local communities.

That's it from me. Those are my excuses for my absence. Here's hoping it was shortlived. See you at the launch!

The audition process is now over.

Over a hundred people auditioned for only three roles.

Casting is so hard. It’s just so hard. I’m exhausted.

Also, I’d love to go to Federation Square tomorrow morning to see the government apologise to the indigenous people, but I’ve got writing to do. I’m writing about historically important days in history. Ironic, no?

Dear lady in the coffee shop near my house, You know not what you do.

When I arrive betracksuitpanted, hair assunder, ahead of a morning of solitary script writing and an afternoon of frenzied bursts of people auditionining… you know not what you do.

When you dive across your shop towards the coffee machine and reach for the extra large cup as soon as you see me enter the shop… you know not what you do.

When you slip an extra croissant in my brown paper bag “just in case”… you know not what you do.

It’s the small joys, it’s the simple ones, it’s that kickstart to a day I thought was going to be business only.

I think if I went in there wearing a suit and looking less like the frayed end of a tether, you might charge me full price and take your time.

You are nice lady and I hope the people close to you are as nice as you are to me.

Also, your croissants are very nice.

I visited my mum. My mum is lovely. She makes me tea and gets the giggles with me and remembers who all my friends are. Sometimes, though, one wonders.

MY MUM: So these auditions - what do you wear?

ME: I wear comfortable clothes, just like the actors.

MY MUM: As comfortable as what you’re wearing?

ME: This is fine.

MY MUM: You should wear something nice. You don’t want to put people off.

ME: Mum!

MY MUM: (Two brief sniffs). You stink, Lozz.

ME: (Expletive) I had onion on my pizza!

MY MUM: (Benignly leaving the room) I’m saying because I care.

I am currently wearing tracksuit pants with holes in them and a T shirt with yoghurt on it. This is my writing outfit. It’s hot. Thanks to mum I am now going to have to schedule at least five minutes into my already packed schedule so that I can wear something less alarming and “stinky” to the auditions this afternoon. I hope it’s appreciated.

PS. I bet that Lord of the Rings guy doesn’t have put up with this crap.

The other thing about auditions, from the perspective of a writer/director, is that running auditions is heaps of fun and therefore a total culture shock.

I’ve had deadline after deadline recently for writing various projects (the kids’ TV show, the comedy festival script etc) so I’ve been locked in a small room with a laptop, measuring my life in half hour slabs and cups of tea and seeing nobody with the exception of housemates, Rita and Stew.

So imagine the shock of going from that (I literally haven’t seen my other friends for months) to meeting seventy new and exciting people in a weekend, in intensive bursts, over thirteen hours of auditions.

You know what it does to you? It turns you into a machine. It’s just like when you play tetris for too long and you end up looking at buildings and thinking how they’d fit together. After auditions, I went to buy milk at the shops and thought the guy at the checkout counter did an excellent job of portraying himself and had very good diction.

By the way, if you did audition, thank you. You were all very professional and generous with your time and your performing, not to mention kind to us in our small sauna and it was a pleasure to see so many new faces. If you’re going to audition in the next week, yay for you - we’re past half way through. I’ll tell you one thing for sure: auditions are exhausting but they are SO much more fun than sitting in a room by yourself writing.

But then, sometimes, so is tax. And data entry. And parking fines.

Fifteen hours of auditions later.

Can you die of a talent overdose?

Looking for an audition venue should be easy. All that’s required is:

1. A top temp of 25 degrees

2. Enough room to gesticulate

3. Running water

4. A toilet

5. Somewhere nearby for coffee

6. No booking fee Is that really too much to ask?

Apparently it is.